““a heck of a lot of things are bound to go wrong in a world as big as this one. And if there’s an answer to why it’s that way – and there ain’t always – why, it’s probably not just one answer by itself, but thousands of answers.”
― Jim Thompson, Pop. 1280

Well, after a brief post-surgical sojourn – alas, still no Soul to be found, and very little brains – I have returned to bless everyone with another half-baked rant.

Our cities are burning. I am okay with that. I have ping-ponged back and forth for decades between believing in changing things from within, thinking that the unholy apparatus of Government & Big Business was far too gargantuan, too complex and too powerful to be defeated outright, to wanting violent and bloody revolution, replete with public executions, nationalization of various businesses and a purge of all churches, temples & mosques (why turn back when you’re that close to the Big Re-Boot).

Usually, my rage would cool and the thought of so many innocent people suffering, either through collateral damage in warfare of some sort, opportunistic jackals opr disruption of services, pulled me back from this ultimate roll of the dice.

I never lost sight of the depth and breadth of the corruption and insidious, seminal Evil that courses through this country and the symbol of depravity, Capitalism. I alternately saw myself as some sort of Communist, Socialist, Democrat, Liberal, Progressive, Leftie, etc.,. At some point I stopped caring about labels and settled on trying to work towards what I felt was right. (In my personal life it was a ridiculous and pathetic series of errors, but now is not the time for that mundane tale of woe.)

I briefly toiled in the pleasantly safe bubble of Conspiracy Theories. Dozens upon dozens of books, mixed in with actual accredited history and politics, slowly took over the remainder of my free time. I more or less stopped reading fiction, consumed by the thought that I was wildly and widely ignorant (correct) and ill-equipped to traverse the ever-broadening, endlessly splintering Media Landscape.

At some point I pulled back, like a victim of Stockholm Syndrome. I still enjoyed the odd nutjob story, but I realized my need for Conspiracy Theories were fed by a lack of knowledge, an emotional need no doubt borne out of some other psychic inequity that I could not hope to define, let alone navigate safely, while drinking (most of that realization took considerably larger for me to embrace, of course).

As a corollary to this, my Atheism precluded a belief in any sort of higher being, and I resolved to rid myself of Magical Thinking overall. Where to place my “faith?” I used to say, “I believe in my family and friends,” or “I believe in Art,” statements that were, and remain, true, but are really so deeply ingrained in my they don’t represent a conscious choice; and isn’t that what religion or faith is, or philosophy? A final adult act of choice (sometimes!) away from one’s upbringing,or indoctrination? Even the rejection of such brain-washing represented only half of the necessary equation.

So without a natural inclination towards Science, and a well-documented hang-up with Mathematics, I settled on a sort of Blue-Collar Belief, pounded into me from my Father and yes, even school, and my own inexplicable attraction to the world of current events and politics, in Democracy. Not the 4th-grade salute the flag name the capitals School House Rock perspective, or the no-nothing refusal to be informed or to learn fucking anything refuge of Dumb Guys everywhere (“Both sides are the same,” “I’m not into politics,” or my favorite allegiance to irrelevance, “I don’t vote,”) but neither did I follow the predictable path.

I questioned everything. I purposely sought out contradictory books and articles on the same subjects and events. I learned to look for,and spot the slant, and later, my own implicit biases and bad habits provided yet another opportunity to learn how to parse the News and stay informed.

I relished arguing, posting rants and insulting people. Most of it was pure vitriol and adrenalin. it still is. To this day I sense ignorance and bigotry like a shark, and just like a shark, I will not stop until I’ve fed.

Which brings me to the real thing here. Or what I hope is the real thing. These first several entries have been all over the place, unstructured and sloppy messes of varying degrees; but I vowed for more less transparancy, so if it takes a while for me to get my sea legs back, that’s fine with me.

Burn it all down.

I never wanted to hate all cops. I understand their necessity. I have known and dealt with good cops – and bad cops. In both cases, they were sometimes friends. I gained a great deal of insight into what makes them tick, what their day to day realities were, and what their legacies were: Multiple divorces, domestic disputes of different types, substance abuse, isolation, painful deaths due to poor health. Mental anguish. Untreated PTSD. Incalculable amounts of stress.

They weren’t saints. Some of them were trash.

But what we are seeing now is an escalation of horrendously inadequate training, laughable psychological screening and I believe, a large amount of former soldiers previously deployed overseas in combat zones with enormous physical and emotional problems that really should keep them from serving.

And then there are the Ammosexuals. The proud and out Nazis. The barely controllable Sadists on terrifying power trips. The Old Boys Culture that runs through athletics and fraternities and into the workplace finds its most perfect and dangerous culmination in these jobs where they are essentially an army unto themselves. Bad cops do what they want. Others keep quiet, believing loyalty to be more important that justice. Apathy runs through all of their veins. The so-called “good cops” – who full well know the difference between right and wrong, and work hard every day to do the best job they can – are are too familiar with what goes on. They have the intellectual capacity and, presumably, the strength of character, to speak out, to report, to fight…but don’t. They may be the most reprehensible of them all.

Politicians fear them. Police unions are sometimes more powerful that the district attorney’s office. Or the Mayor. Or Governor. More often, we see the same scenario – capable people unwilling or unable to fight against the unmitigated evil and rampany criminality that permeates the rank of the boys and girls in blue.

The obvious fact that Black people have been hunted and harassed and humiliated and murdered constantly, that LGBQT folks, women, foreigners, etc,. are also relentlessly victimized merely prooves how craven and inhuman these bigots are. The War on Black people is everywhere – the government, the financial sector, Big Business, religion, sport, education, academic – supports all of this.

I am guilty. I have said things I thought were jokes, or harmless. I’ve made assumptions. Been indifferent, hostile to People of Color. Rude. I haven’t even begun to do enough just to exist as a human being in America, 2020.

Which brings me around to the Revolution.

Short of being arrested, I can only support, however I can, full-on dissent. I can’t tell you how to do it. I can’t tell you how to vote, or if you should. I have no moral high ground, I’m not very smart, and my inherent laziness has prevented me from doing something of value to change things. I am not healthy enough to stand let alone march, or run from fascists. Most days I can barely stay awake.

But all of these fascists need to go. Sharpen your knives. Remember, “Guns are for show, knives are for Pros.”

Stand up. Fight. Destroy it all. Jefferson recommended regular uprisings; we are behind.

Catch up.

“Civilised life, you know, is based on a huge number of illusions in which we all collaborate willingly. The trouble is we forget after a while that they are illusions and we are deeply shocked when reality is torn down around us.”

― J.G. Ballard